Dickinson

It's been a few days since I last posted. This is mostly because I haven't had time between exams and essays, but also because my computer hasn't been working. Fate is working against my blog. Damn you fate.
The other day I was in my Women's Literature class ("What do you read in that class? Cookbooks?" That was the sexist comment I heard the other day). We were discussing the poet, Emily Dickinson. Emily Dickinson is obviously known for her writing, but she is also known for her persona. I don't know a whole lot about her, but what I do know is that in college she was pretty outspoken. She was "expressive" as my professor put it. Then later on in her life she became reclusive, spent a lot of her time locked up in her parents house. When I say locked up,  I don't mean it as if someone locked HER up, but she locked herself up. Emily Dickinson, as I've been told, wasn't published much despite her effort. She was unwilling to change her writing as she was asked to.
Oddly enough, I find myself identifying with her most. I have all of these poems sitting in a booklet in my drawer and I've written so many. I don't like going out sometimes, but I have a need to. As in, if I don't go out I get a case of cabin fever. I'd become Jack from The Shining. Regardless, I often find myself withdrawn from others and sometimes unwilling to try to be around them. Sometimes I sit in my dorm writing poetry like a young Emily Dickinson (though comparing myself to her is far beyond a compliment).   Then I have to ask myself: What made Emily Dickinson reclusive? What made her want to withdraw from society?
Though I have no definite answer, I can relate to her and wonder if her reasons are similar to my own. I spend so much time in my room because I'm disappointed. I am disappointed with people in general. I am sick of hearing about how drunk people get and how much sex they have with who ever. I'm sick of people being proud of how much pot they smoke. It's not that I don't like drinking, or hell smoking pot, but frankly I could care less. Call me a prude, but I care about deeper things than that.  I want to talk about more than drinking and pot and sex, they are all kind of boring after awhile. Perhaps Emily Dickinson got sick of hearing about marriage. Perhaps she got sick of the standards of society but realized there was no way of changing them. Maybe Emily decided to give up on people. She didn't want to get married so she didn't, she stayed at home and wrote poetry. She refused to change herself for society, but she couldn't bear to deal with it.
Well it's all just a theory. Who knows why she really did it, but maybe she did it to confuse people. I'd like to confuse people, that'd be a good way to go.
I guess that's all I've got to say at the moment.
Best,
Anna Belle Lee