Ritual of Accomplishment

I have a biannual ritual when I pretend that I am going leave everything and everyone I ever loved behind for an exciting new life somewhere else.

Usually that dream comes to me when something horrible has happened, which oddly enough happens bi or tri annually.            

Lately I’ve found that the ritual has occurred on a more monthly basis and I couldn’t help but wonder why.

I wonder why it is that when I look at the aging faces of my peers that I am horrified

I wonder why it is when I notice my friends having babies and getting married as if it is simply expected of us.

I wonder why it is that that I have achieved so very little in my life and yet it is probably the most I ever will.

I wonder if I am beginning to romanticize the idea of children as if my legacy has already died.

I wonder why when I go to work everyday and do the same monotonous job, succeeding to make 8.75 an hour.

I wonder if I will become anything or if already I am reaching my end.

Perhaps if I were escape to a new place I would succeed to accomplish all I dream.

Perhaps if I succeed to exist in accomplishment in my dreams, one day I will.            

           

Perhaps I am a dreamer, but I’d like to think I’m not the only one.

Perhaps I am selfish, but I imagine I am not the worst.

In the end it doesn’t matter and perhaps I wonder I if I will fall into death as I dream of accomplishment at an age of one-oh-four. 

Best,

Anna Belle Lee